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How to deal with childhood fears


– I will not go with you to the cottage, – said five-year Ira. There on the second floor of a Horror story when I have to look away, he reads my books, playing with my toys and wants to take me to her.

At first the parents did not notice it, but then the daughter even to the second floor refused to rise. Where did this Horror story? Who invented it?

As you know, children’s imagination knows no bounds, and every second child is afraid of something. Preschooler already knows a lot, but this knowledge is fragmentary. Developed a child’s imagination easily makes up for the missing elements. And now Baba Yaga tale came true, and eats all the naughty boys and girls, and uncle policeman instead of work all day standing under the Windows and catches all cranky kids.

Your child may be afraid of trolls, wizard, Witch, animal, darkness, loneliness. Each individual phobia, but more crucial than the content of fear, and the reason is, the number and degree of development of this fear.

Causes of children’s fears

Let us look at the causes of children’s fears.

Parents should talk to the child on a dangerous topic and tell how to act in a given situation. Forewarned is forearmed.

If your child has been the traumatic situation (stuck in an Elevator, choked on a bone in the street was an alcoholic), you need to discuss this with your child, explain how to do next time . A clear plan of action removes fear. If an unpleasant event does not repeat, over time, this fear goes away.

Such qualities – it is the fertile soil in which to safely develop various kinds of fears.

If the child has a strong mentality, he will treat such outcries of the parents as to the background, knowing that mom is in itself alarming, but it ’ s a completely different person. But often the authority of parents play such a big role that the fears of the parents become the fears of children.

If a child hears foreign voices in your head, naturally sees non-existent objects and people – should consult to a medical professional.

Once in elementary school a friend with horror told me how on weekends she ate fish and choked on a bone. It has not been able to pull out, and the little girl was suffering. “I’ll Never eat fish!” ‘ she said.

Traits of a child

Uncertainty, mistrust, high anxiety, a strong dependence on the opinions of adults, physical weakness contribute to the emergence and strengthening of fears.

Anxious parents

Sometimes parents show excessive anxiety regarding their offspring. They are guarded almost everything that could endanger the child: “don’t drink cold, you’ll catch cold!”, “don’t get up abruptly from the bed, dizzy”, “don’t go near the cats, they are flea-bitten!”. Often this happens if a child is late and only.

The presence of the disease

The stuttering . nervous tics, enuresis . high aggressiveness, somnambulism also contribute to the emergence of fears. Such fears are unusual in nature and content.

Children’s fears: blame the parents

One of the types of children’s fears – educational fear.

It’s hard to dominate the will of another person, it is difficult to explain why it is necessary to do so, and not otherwise. Often parents to force the child to do something, you form these fears and punish them.

and then you Baba Yaga will carry into the woods!”, – this phrase generates a fear of fictional literary characters.

“Girls who don’t eat that picks up the bear!”, – generates fear of animals and introduces distortion in the picture of the world – do not go we have bears on the streets…

“Here is your sister always cleans up after himself things!”, – shapes a child’s fear of being unloved their parents, if there is such a perfect sister.

«Time behave, I will never take you to grandmother’s house!” – generates fear of deprivation of communication with my grandmother.

“will Not get toys – will give them to Bob”, – the fear of losing expensive things.

“you will Not obey, will exhibit at the entrance and will push back”, “will Not drink the milk, close the toilet and the light will turn off”, creates the fear of losing mom, fear of the dark.

And finally, corporal punishment easily develop a fear of humiliation and pain.

Each of our carelessly spoken phrase – it’s a new fear of the child. So think before you say it. What you want to achieve: obedience or fears?

Protection of children’s fears: my imaginary friend

Six-year-old Dima hit the cat and poured the soup in the kitchen. – Why did you do that?” ” I asked. – It’s not me, ‘ replies the little scamp. Is Cyril. After a while, “Cyril” vengeance is settled in our family: he broke a toy, do not want to eat porridge, offended girls in the garden, pulling the cat’s tail. Dima easily shifted all the blame on their fictional “friend”.

Many parents have encountered similar cases, and have often asked myself the question: «Who is my child? Liar or a fantasist? Is it dangerous or not? Deviation or norm?”.

This phenomenon in child psychology is a product of affective imagination of children. Imagination, which helps the child to cope with a stressful situation, to solve problems. This child’s behavior is considered normal if the child clearly understands that the other unreal.

If you find such a “friend” in your family, talk to your child. Ask them to tell about it. As a friend puts that loves/not loves, what does? After asking the child more, you at a glance see all his fears and problems. Because imaginary friend called to save the baby from his fears.

Little she really lacked communication with their peers, in the garden, silent and dreamy girl no one was friends, a visit is not customary to invite friends, and at night her mother never told tales. Hence the late-night conversations with the best “friend” and the tour of the house when he appeared in it the first time, and much more. This “friend” was an outlet for a little girl, a refuge from the fear of loneliness.

The naughty Dima imaginary friend gives strength, saves him from the wrath of the parents. With him he ’ s strong and brave. They also have their own secrets, their own perfect little world.

You should not ridicule the child, to insist that such a friend does not exist in nature . It is important to understand. The appearance of a fictional partner says that your child is learning to become independent.

Not all children have such friends. Too busy children simply have no time to fantasize about friends (before lunch – school, after lunch – training, then homework and sleep ). And very sociable kiddies don’t have to invent friends, since so many friends, and with them easily and comfortably.

Always “fictional partner” is the norm?

No. Sometimes a violent fantasy of the child may be the result of traumatic experiences. The child may substitute the real world is the world of fantasy and go inside yourself.

Behaviors that should alert parents:

The game is in the “other” ceases to be fictional, the child forgets that each – it is a figment of his imagination and starts to believe in the reality of the “partner”.

The baby constantly consults with “friend”, and often does so, as he wants “friend”, even if it contradicts the opinion of moms and dads.

Not playing with real friends. Nobody takes the game.

Believes that all it has ceased to understand, one loyal and reliable “friend”.

It began to annoy parents, always say and do the wrong thing.

The child has closed.

If you see that the reason for the excitement is there, you should see a pediatric psychologist who will diagnose the phenomenon of “fictitious partner” and provide individual recommendations.