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Child divorce, divorce children, the child after divorce

 

Question: Good afternoon.in our family, this situation – my wife and I got married a month ago. she has a baby she is 7 years old. the last time she(the passenger seat) behaves not very adequate and we are concerned about her psychological and mental state.before the child that was not noticed and now she has a very frequent psychos. the existence of razdrozhitelnosti and not sderjannost for any reason. there is also the fact that at the moment she is to be with the mother(vremeto resting in the country).but the symptoms started 1.5 months ago. question actually I think you can understand. but I would like to know what is this behavior and what could affect it,we have the assumption that this is possibly a manifestation of jealousy towards the mother or the influence of mothers-in-law. I would like to know what to do and how to deal with it and whether it is necessary to struggle. thank you in advance

Reply: Dear Tosha! I think that Your assumptions are correct. Changes in the family are themselves painful for the child, and here the situation develops without it. You need to pick her up from grandma and give it Your maximum attention (read together, go for a walk, draw, sculpt, etc.) that it “thawed”, calmed down and began to trust You.

Question: Dear Mr President! The problem I have is this – the son of 7 years old, dad is a drinker. Weeks not at home, said that at work, but the child is not bored without him (me especially!). For two years I try not to fight with my husband, seeing how sensitive it is to the child and tries to take daddy’s side. In the end, I want to divorce her husband. Just last week went to court, copied the necessary information for divorce and on the same day the child began to cry (I didn’t discuss, nothing said) and said that we need to live together and love each other, dad and I drove and he rarely comes, and the son daddy loves and misses. I must have done wrong, I told my son that daddy is not coming because at work drink and driving can not go, and buses to work for him don’t go. So tell me, what age is the least important to the boy for his parents ‘ divorce. And how am I to carry on with the least damage to the child. I’m ready to buy my dad an apartment that was less cause for scandal, but how to explain this to the child? Or still, to endure until his 18 years? What example will get the son from the father? You can drink, no one was blamed and condemned.

Reply: Dear Elena! In Your letter felt doubt. Act calmly and decisively. Want to get a divorce – getting a divorce and don’t doubt. Be honest with yourself (You don’t want to live with him and not going to live only out of fear of loneliness?) and most importantly – the child. Age favourite for divorce – the child already understands a lot, but to a teenage crisis is still far. Tell your son the truth – that You don’t want to live with a drinker and it is Your right that the son can see him at least (judging by the frequency of meetings today), and that You and his dad are not going to fight. He can continue to love your dad and You’re not against it. Generally try to show his son that a divorce makes little difference. Don’t tell him about is getting a divorce for his future, I mean the influence of the example of a drinker men (which is absolutely true), to eliminate the sense of guilt in the child. Tell him at the right moment, he’s got nothing to do with. Of course You’ve been upset by the reaction of a son. About the consequences of divorce for the child’s mind – don’t worry. Just think about the implications of extending the current situation. Remember “the Cherry orchard” by Chekhov. Isn’t it better to cut down part of the garden now, then not happened yet greater misfortune? To live with the unloved person for the child, then show the daily example of dislike. Many can give unhappy woman son in usloviyah dislike? I know many examples of such sacrifice, as a result of the past “in the sand”. Most importantly for my son aged 7 to 13 – Mature mentor-father. And one more thing. Do not live only for my son and for myself only – in the end both are bad for You and for your son. Divide the area of responsibility. Your relationship with muzet – unconditional Your area. Here priority is Your feelings. The relation of the son to Your marriage is important, but should not be Central in the decision. If you encounter difficulties come to the consultation.

Question: Hello! My brother is 7 years old is very upset with the dog. She has a tumor and will undergo surgery. How to calm him down, if she dies? The dog soon 10 years. Thanks for the reply. Lana

Reply: Dear Lana! I am very pleased that You are so worried for his brother. It is best to tell the truth and not hide their sadness. Don’t be afraid of tears. They help people endure grief. If it happens (both) and poplace together. It will make him stronger and allow you to recover quickly from loss. Make sure he doesn’t blame himself for the death of dogs (this is a common reaction of children in this age) tell that tumors in old animals occur frequently.