Divorce and children. The advice of a psychologist: how to mitigate the situation for the child
For any family member divorce – this is a big stress, which is the hardest outlive the children. Psychological help in this situation is necessary not only to alleviate the situation for children at the time of the divorce, but also to minimize the likelihood of its negative emotional impact on their future.
One can argue about what to look for when choosing a life partner, and that caution should be against even the little things (“multiply one hundred all the traits of your partner before marriage and get the character of the future wife”). But if prior to the marriage relationship was truly perfect, and together the pair have started to encounter problems that they cannot overcome nor themselves, nor sometimes even with the help of a psychologist, it is often the only way out is divorce.
Marriage – this is not something that is artificially supported, if to save him is impossible, and life with the unloved person may turn into a constant hassle because sometimes irritate any act of a spouse. Later You will become a regular visitor to the psychological center are not for consultation the therapist, and for the treatment of neuroses, depression and depressed state. However, many couples continue to live together, even when virtually no family life, no longer ” live “for children”. This is the main problem – many parents believe that the child will not grow fully in a single-parent family.
Professional psychologists note that there is a huge truth in that, but only under condition, if children see a genuinely good relationship between the parents. In that case, when the family is preserved only for the sake of the child, it becomes unnecessary sacrifice, since in this situation the negative so the AI otherwise transferred to the child, like the parents tried to play in a happy life. The Board of psychologist – don’t try to cheat the child: maybe it is because of their age and do not understand what is happening, but hope he won’t notice the tense situation, naively. If you decide to take such an important step as divorce, be sure to get psychological advice centre child or family psychologist in order to know how to prepare their child for life, in fact, without one parent.
The cause of stress for the child can be dreadful for him, the idea that dad or mom is gone forever, and with himher broken relationship with your favorite relatives from that side. Any child psychologist will tell You that the most important sense for a child – it is a sense of security. While divorce brings destruction, though small, but familiar world of Your child, and in the end he doesn’t know which parent “good” and who “bad”, he begins to distrust both parents and moves away. It may be that the child blames themselves in a situation, and believes that “daddy’s gone, because I’m not feeling well led”.
Children’s psychological counseling is badly needed in this situation, as the guilt or misunderstanding of the situation can lead to a deep stress in the child. Children’s reactions to parental divorce can be very difficult, especially if the child was strongly tied to the parent with whom the majority of the time after divorce to live will not be. In this case, a professional psychologist will advise You to act based on the age of the child. Children of different ages behave in a given situation varies: a small child may fall ill, the child 10-13 years much away, what is happening on the background of the transition period.
What parents can do to mitigate the situation of divorce for children? Psychological consultation with a professional psychologist, You will receive the following answers:
• No need to conceal something and lie to the child . Your child has to guess the roots of the problem, try to explain to him, though not much going into the details of what happened. It will definitely soothe the baby – he knows, he still remains a member of the family, from whom nothing is concealed.
• during a divorce or after it, when a woman (often, the child remains with the mother) comes in a psychologist’s office, the conversation almost immediately comes to children, and a good professional psychologist needs to convince her not to say anything bad about his former wife. And especially do not need to say in a negative tone “You’re just like your father”, “do You like it!”.
• Your child loves both parents equally . and do not force him to make a choice – or I, or dad / mom. Child psychologists claim that “tug” of the child to his side an extremely negative impact on his psyche, he was so hard and from the current situation, but even harder when it is, in fact, have to abandon one of their parents. And of course, no need to make a scene in front of the child, this must remain the “behind the scenes”, does not need to prove through the scandals at the child, who “good” – with time he’ll decide that for myself.
• As recognized by many divorced women in the psychologist’s office, after the divorce or they almost forget about the child because of his own serious condition, or Vice versa show him too much attention, almost dwell on it. Neither that, nor another do not need. Try to create an atmosphere in which the child felt that the new situation is not much different from the previous one. Child psychologists suggest that you show the love, attention, not to deprive the child of communication with both parents – they should be involved in the lives of their children just as before.
In family psychology there are quite a few aspects it is … post-divorce life of both the parents and the child. Due to the fact that an increasing percentage of marriages falling apart, more former spouses need counseling psychologists. The situation is not so severe, if the divorce – the case only the couple, but when the former spouses have children, care need is not so much about himself, but about how to survive a divorce child. The help of a psychologist, namely, a child psychologist, has become indispensable especially at the initial stage, because if it is wrong to behave and not in time to seek the advice of a psychologist, the situation can have serious repercussions on the psyche of the child, and subsequently, in addition to the negative effects it is unlikely that you can get.