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Mom, I’m scared!


Fears inherent in all children. They are – is a normal stage of maturation of the child’s psyche, a natural reaction to the knowledge of the outside world.

Fear fear discord

Each age has its fears. In the third year of life, children are usually afraid of the dark, lonely and confined space (for example, lifts or toilets). At the same time the child “acquires” the artificial fears that his “reward” parents: fear of fairy-tale characters, animals… He might be afraid of fires, wars, criminals. Some are afraid to ride a roller coaster, swim in the pool, don’t go to the doctor, startled by unexpected sounds.

A big part of fear is temporary, they don’t need to fight, you just need to support the child, to ease his worries by taking this feature of his mental development. However, there are other fears, they are called “neurotic”. They are based – mental shock, trauma, cruelty on the part of adult, family conflicts, high level of anxiety among parents. Such fears themselves are not, it requires the assistance of specialists (psychologist, therapist), and change in parenting style.

What are they afraid of?

Older preschoolers are more likely to experience fear of death, which reaches its climax in 6–7 years. Fear of death means the gradual completion of the “naive” period in a child’s life, when he still believed in miracles, fairy tale characters… that the child is afraid of death, you can guess by his fearful dreams: they are about attacks, flames and fires, disease (more common in girls) and the raging elements (often in boys).

7–8 years old children are afraid not so much his death but the death of his parents. However, in susceptible children, the fear of death may persist in the form of a curious fear of the dead, skeletons, “black hand”…

What goes around…

Many parents, teaching children the skills for security, don’t hesitate to sow in his heart the new fears. «do Not iron dog – can be infected”, “don’t leave the house alone – get under the car”… Trying to warn of danger, adults are not spared of colors when depicting the severity of germs on unwashed hands, telling how robbed the owner, opened the door to strangers… more alarming Than adult feels in the world, bezgranichnie his fear for his children, and the more dramatic and more will his stories-horror stories designed to teach a child to avoid danger.

Beyond the fears of a child are often:

excessive adherence to principles of a parent or excessive restraint in the expression of feelings when a large number of warnings, fears, anxieties. The child feels unwanted, can not rely on parents as a source of security, authority and love;

a large number of restrictions from the parent of the same sex or providing full freedom to the child by a parent of the other sex;

numerous unrealizable threats from adults in the family. Parents often use the mechanism of intimidation when they have no energy and time to be distracted by the child, they are annoyed. For example: “will Take you uncle in the bag”, “will Not hear ” okay”, “That will leave you”… Such a scheme of intimidation harmful. In‑first, if it is often to use, we can undermine the child’s confidence in the goodwill of the world. And in‑second, it is a very dangerous motive: “When it will be bad, and then find out!”, the inner essence which reveals the hidden aggression by an adult against a child. The older preschoolers to the emergence of fears often contribute to insults, degrading self-esteem: “you moron!”, “Damn you!”…

the lack of opportunity role of identification with the parent of the same sex (mostly in boys, growing up without a father), generating a lack of confidence;

conflictual relationship between the parents. Concerns arising in this case, often degenerates into fear, because children are usually deprived of the opportunity to influence the conflicts of their parents. Most sensitive to family conflicts girls.


Never lock a child in a dark and unfamiliar room.

Don’t scare the kid (“give someone else’s aunt”, “come Baba Yaga and drag”…). In the Arsenal of the parents there’s another genre of threats – it’s a warning of impending punishment for transgression: “Then I’ll buy you ice cream”, “not driving on the ride”, “not going to read the book” of… But the parent can remove the function of eternally punishing authority and explain what a wonderful assistant and friend of a child – such as fairy, gnome or brownie – so angry and unhappy, he will not come and certainly will not bring gifts. And parents should always dedicate the child in the emotions they experience in response to the indiscretions. For example, mom might say, I’m upset, I’m hurt or I’m just beside myself! Psychologists call this self-concept. The difference between a message: “don’t get your finger in the socket, because I said so. ” and “don’t get your finger in the socket – you will electrocute, and I’m going to cry”.

Do not overload a child’s imagination: toys should be age appropriate. Eliminate aggressive movies, cartoons and books (in 3 years the kid could be scared of a wolf from the “little red riding hood” and 2‑year-old toddler will not need to buy the robot with a weapon or soft crocodile with open mouth).

Prepare your child in advance for admission to kindergarten and school.

Increase the self-esteem of the baby.

Deal with their own fears. They “contagious”.

With the game

To help overcome fears’s correction methods. All children love to fantasize, try this: invite the child to write a fabulous story with a good ending, in which he is strong and brave.

All children have inherent desire to paint, especially it is expressed in 5–7‑year-old children. A study of the figures allows a better understanding of the inner world of children. The predominance of gray tones and the dominance of black in the figures underlined the absence of elasticity, reduced background mood, a large number of fears that the child cannot cope. So let your child draw their fears. Ask him to draw pictures on the theme: “What the terrible am I dreaming?”, “What I’m afraid of the day?”, “Which was to me the worst?”. Graphic image of fear reduces the voltage from anxious expectation of its realization. In the figure, the fear is largely implemented as something that has already happened. But if then else to break up the picture into small pieces, then there will be a feeling that the kid defeats the villain in equal battle.

If the kid is afraid of the dark, confined space, light the lamp, when he goes to sleep, put him in the bed favorite toy, and when he plays, don’t close the door to his room. Learn to overcome fear with playing situations (if afraid of the doctor ’ s play in the hospital; if afraid of the dark, play scouts…).

And be sure to encourage the development of independence, let the child feels that he knows a lot, knows a lot.