How to save a relationship with a man successful woman?
In man nature inherent desire to be first in everything, especially in your career. And if the leadership has to give his wife, the preservation of close relations of the pair becomes the number one issue.
“The success of women negatively affects the self-esteem of men, even if the partners work in different fields and do not compete with each other,” he said as snapped PhD Kate Ratliff of the University of Florida. By success I mean not only the wage level. Men, as a rule, painfully react, if the wife holds the presidency. And especially when subordinates and colleagues recognize her professional credibility.
And although this balance of power is no surprise, to understand how to behave in such a Union and to retain a good relationship, it’s still hard. Blame yourself for success and to hide income? Or to help her husband to climb up to your level? To understand this question better, what he thinks about your success your partner or yourself. To determine which case is more relevant, to help the headings of each Chapter. They reflect internal beliefs that stand in the way to happiness.
“The family should be the main man!”
With all due respect to the progress you still think effective the family model where the man is more successful than women. Therefore, reaching career heights, expect partner padmapriya and will occupy a leading position in the pair. Often these expectations and voiced. And quietly enter into the role of the head indicating a subordinate to the error of believing that they will be corrected. And the man discouraged all the stronger from the fact that he regularly reminded of the loss in this social competition.
Such a model of behavior choose women, accustomed since childhood to get what you want but demand. Therefore, in adulthood, they are difficult to assess how realistic their desire. Here it is useful to stop the hints about the status or salary of a loved one. You first need to assess how the claims correspond to reality, and to tell their partner about their expectations, and then analyze what makes the choice right now to become more successful in the future. And how long does it take to see the dynamics of the changes.
“And this scarf my mother gave”
You understand that your success suppresses loved. So begin every way to hide your achievements. For example, do not tell, how was your day at work, and new shoes give the old, “What are you, my dear, I long ago bought, she didn’t wear”.
These tricks show that in your eyes favorite still seems weaker than he actually is. And soon a small lie can lead to great suspicion. Ask yourself: “How long will I hide the real situation?” You must discuss the situation with her husband. If the relationship is strong and trusting, this conversation will lead to constructive change and not become a source of conflict. And, most likely, will inspire a man: because the desire to be with a partner at one level – the most powerful motive to build a successful career.
“I’ll help you”
Sometimes, you think that men just couldn’t do yourself. And then all the forces you are trying to create it: you just put links with interesting jobs, write on English language courses. However, such attempts are unlikely to lead to success. After all, no matter how promising, we offer you chances, you miss a crucial point: the motivation of the men. Its values may differ from yours. For example, drawing sunflowers oil, from his point of view, cooler than running a large company. Therefore, you should not try to instill in him their ideas about beauty.
In this case, it is useful to think: what qualities do you value and love in her man. Some couples do not fit into the standard framework, and as a woman, a man has way of life. So the best thing to do is to reallocate responsibilities in pairs so that each was doing what he is doing better. Once you understand what role your family right, they don’t just play according to the standard scenario, the tension subsides.
“He’s not a gigolo!”
Quite possibly, you’ve managed to come with her husband to a consensus, and both feel comfortable that the woman is the breadwinner, and the man is the Keeper of the hearth. But happiness is marred by parents who do not understand why their daughter includes her husband: “In our time that never was”. Or giggling friends: “A diamond ring on the engagement you to give him?” Despite the offensive language, family driven care. And then the pair show that they were all really good.
Need to discuss values and ways of realization of life plans. Prepare answers to the questions, how will you buy a house, have children? Then fend off the attacks of others, the pair will be synchronously and simultaneously. And humor will finally dispel all doubts. Perfect answers, starting with “But. “. For example: “But the ring is exactly what I want!” If you respond and have fun together, the teasing will stop.
“It’s not my fault that earn more”
Normally, a man is jealous of another’s success. Another thing is that he’s not talking about it openly. Rather, accuse: the tasteless dinner, guests had to go alone. And all the time stresses: “if not your job. “We have to make excuses, and at some point notice: in the office you are appreciated and respected, and at home – no.
Rebuking and instructing, some men are trying to regain lost leadership role. Low self-esteem makes us look for flaws in you. And it decreases because of the uncertainty that he is worthy of love is such a successful woman. To confess envy is not easy, because it’s an unpleasant feeling, but a Frank conversation about what each of you are not satisfied, you need to start. And even better with a recognition of their negative feelings: “I am irritated and disappointed, when are you picking a fight over nothing, I feel guilty”. And then to remind man about his love and the qualities and abilities that you appreciate in it.
“Don’t be sad, I bought a new tie”
Near successful woman a man can feel like a loser, and may eventually give up. This is understandable on several grounds: he is inactive, almost not interested in the things that fascinated him before, you talked little and laugh even less. And you start to feel sorry for him. But it is not a good strategy: show pity, take the position of a Parent, and the man closes in the role of a helpless Child. It is important to help the beloved to return to adulthood.
Useful discussion of the role of Finance in your family or his attitude to money and how it was formed. Perhaps the partner has fears associated with material well-being, coming from a child. For example, dad a lot of money, but little was at home, his mother always scolded. So entrenched is the belief: I will be successful – I won’t love. The realization of such fears will help a man to believe in themselves.
“You have temporary difficulties?”
It happens that the failure of a partner is a temporary phenomenon. Because of the crisis in the market or changing activities. Income men leaves much to be desired, but he often talks about work, gives you gifts, albeit not very expensive. It is important to support her husband in difficult times. All that is required is the praise and recognition of his merits. Sometimes it may seem that his problems are in comparison with your nonsense. But still you should refrain from demonstrations of superiority. A man who strives for success, support is very important and understanding that his opinion counts. When his deficiency of self-esteem are completed, he will have more time and attention to relationships.
“I don’t care about your salary”
You’re the master of manipulation and deception. But bad succeeded in the area of self-deception. Can long to pretend that revenue blessed is irrelevant, although in reality it is not. The contradiction is easy to see the divergence between words and deeds. Claim that is indifferent to the success of her husband, but never miss a chance to be sarcastic: “it is Strange that you like this tie at all allowed in this restaurant”. Still better to go the other way: to finally admit, but im worried about the salary of a loved one.
Answer yourself the question: “Why it’s important for me that my husband was earning more?” The answers may be different. For example: “Because we want a child, and importantly, how we’ll live when I’m gone on maternity leave. Or “Because the husbands of my friends earn more than them.” Here the concern is dealing with your inner feelings. Frankly admitting that you still care about my husband’s salary, you will no longer silently annoyed and will be able to start a constructive conversation. And the question of the birth of a baby requires a serious discussion with your partner. The husband might not be too happy about this conversation, but clarification of the situation will help to frame the problem and not waste time haggling over trifles.